Why Every Military Move Requires at Least Three Trips to Home Depot

Military housing repairs have gotten complicated with all the privatization changes flying around. As someone who’s done this move-in ritual at more duty stations than I can count, I learned everything there is to know about the inevitable hardware store pilgrimage. Today, I will share it all with you.

You’ve done it before. You’ll do it again. The inevitable Home Depot pilgrimage that accompanies every single PCS move.

Probably should have led with this part, honestly. It starts innocently enough. You walk through your new base housing, mentally noting the previous occupant’s questionable curtain rod placements and the mysterious holes in the walls that definitely weren’t in the move-in checklist.

“I just need some spackle and a few hooks,” you tell yourself. Famous last words. I’ve said this exact sentence at every single assignment.

Trip one covers the basics: paint samples that will sit on your counter for three months, command strips you’ll use once, and a flashlight because yours is packed somewhere in those 47 boxes labeled “miscellaneous.” That’s what makes trip one the optimistic trip.

Trip two happens when you realize the outlet covers in military housing haven’t been updated since the Reagan administration. Add in a smoke detector battery, more spackle (because you underestimated the hole situation), and somehow a new garden hose.

Trip three? That’s the “I’ve given up on unpacking and I’m just going to organize the garage instead” run. I know this trip well.

The Home Depot near every military base knows. They see that look in our eyes. The thousand-yard stare of someone who’s assembled the same IKEA bookshelf in four different states.

Welcome to your new duty station. Your loyalty card awaits.